Bird As Fish

It's a mid October night.
I'm in my new place, and it feels great not to be badgered, not to feel like I have to hide. To enjoy coming home. My room is full of plants - two weeks ago, I started 50 new ones! Eeee! This is something that I've always wanted to do - and they are all flowers! My curtains are blue and green tie dye. I have little feather butterflies hanging up on them. I have the blue cowboy hat that I got in C-- hanging above my window, as well as some tourmaline and turquoise rocks in a sachet. My walls are a lovely shade of tan, and I have a beautiful double bed with a white comforter, striped with blue, green, tan, and crimson stripes, and cream sheets, with four pillows - two cream, a dark blue, and a green. On my walls, I have beautiful pictures of meadows and flowers, and trees and puffins. I love my room. I really, really love it. I'm loving living there. Plus I'm free.
I have two roommates - Phila and Doyle. Phila is very friendly, and outgoing. Doyle is shy and retiring. In fact, most days I feel like I only have one roommate. Doyle rarely comes out of his room. We also have a cat named Lena. Lena is a cat full of ATTITUDE. What Lena wants, Lena gets. When Lena doesn't get what she wants, she pees on Phila's bed.

Everything is getting cold - it's trying to tell me that winter is coming. Brr.

She gazes over water here
As dusk in sky appears so clear
And falls down over forest pond
She is here; day is gone.

The sky is still a little lit
With the sun that here now sits
Under trees but still in sky
It is falling. By and by,

The girl she moves, quiet, still
As o'er the raven flies so shrill
She pays no mind but still keeps on
Looking in the forest pond.

Then quietly, when the moon's come up
She gathers skirts and stands straight up
From bare back, 'neath long hair
Something starts to grow from there.

Pale but shining in the moon
Wings appearing from the gloom
They dance a little - fairy spite
To mock the darkness, coming night.

She spreads her wings and flies away
Across the water and starts to play
With sisters as they skip away,
Together keep the night at bay.

Midnight comes and long is gone
Darkest night soon greets the dawn
As beside the forest pond
Unwing'd fairy then walks on

To husband and a waiting child
Who know not where she's gone the while,
Who've never seen her fairy wings
And know not of her kinsmen kings.

In sight of shore, these ships they meet
Two mountains on the choppy sea.
Here they bide 'til break of day
When whips shall crack, then all away!

O hear ye now - the cannons shot,
The blackest barrels searing hot.
They shall await the coming day
When they all shall back away.

And travel home to waiting wives
And shall await their dullards' lives
Of mutton eaten, horses rid,
The stronger beating cowards hid.

But for now, they heroes all
And list'ning to the dying call
The ships they sink, yes, one and all
To never more the other pall.


The wives they stand, awaiting day.
When the men come home, they pray
Theirs has not perished far a-sea
Where waiting hungry teeth may be.

Nothing ever does compare
To salt winds blowing through your hair
As waiting comes on waiting times
As waiting almost never blinds

But only ever longs the times
Of waiting. It is never kind
To women as they wait for men
Who never will come home again.


Wind it blows across my hair
As waiting here, I sit and stare
And only waiting for my man
Who I will never see again.

A woman with her baby cries
To see this sight of no more lies.
Her husband's washed up on the beach
With her fingers she does reach

To touch his rotten, eaten flesh
That only she had known the best.
Weeks she waited, now the end
Her man has come home again.


The magistrates with taller hats
Express regrets for being last
To leave this earth, a mortal ball
(We know they don't mean it all).

Ad now that all the prayers are said
Let us all retire to bed
To problems about cargo lost
And replacing it at cost.

Let the widows cry alone
And pray that their pit'ous moans
As they cry and groan and weep
Don't wake us too much from our sleep.

Please.

Emptiness inside.
Blank.
Vacant.


After too much ink
From too many stories,
jet black
I bleached them off



Storyless,
Soulless.
Blank.

When I hit the ground again,
I hear your voice. It's telling me
it's time to go. Let's keep on going on.

But bitterness it takes a toll as
Former bruises never go away,
They just always stay.

I'm too tired, can't you see
That I can't raise my head?
I don't mind eating dirt so I'll
just lay here all alone.

You keep on, keep on trampling on.
I just can't do it any more.
Your driving whip can't prod me into action.
So I'll just lay here all alone as you keep trampling on.

I've just been running too long with you
But you never stop
and I'm a fool if I think
I can.

Inevitability of it all that I should pretend
my god-like qualities could defend
me from impending exhaustion.

But quickly they pass away , these
seeming virtues of Herculean strength and
I hit the ground again.

Cruel, cruel days
of breathless torture
of deathly marathons

Do you remember the simple GLANCE behind?
For that encompasses my whole being.

The fear, welling, heart-pounding,
until it holds all focus,
Everything is sinister
Especially the cigarette.

ACT NORMAL

BLACK HAIR

BLACK BEARD

I do remember what he looked like and no one else ever understood
Why I looked behind.
(why I held my head low)
Try to act as if everything were normal.
Practice makes perfect
Until fear is all you can feel.

rage of cool inhibitions
that bids my blood to burn
Cold.
And slows its territory path
that ever more frustrate
and return to the place of small demise
That blocks great desires

Like an elephant lead
of nothing more than memories
of pain
of things gone bad.

We hate it.
But we hate ourselves still the more
when the leash holds us back
For we are not more than simple animals, bestial

We are no more than merely.

Oh you Angel,
Guilded wings and flowing robes
Perfect in your dazzling whiteness
Faultless, flawless, stainless, pure.

Oh you Angel, could be horrid
Beating wings and choking robes
Blinding in your deathly whiteness,
Tow'ring, lofty, barren pale.

Oh you Angel, chant your hymn now
Crystal voice and perfect time
Tongue which speaks with words like honey
Sweetly, gently, pleasant, kind.

Oh you Angel, why so silent?
Blaring hush and tight-lipped whine
Clamour given to the deaf ones,
Leaves us hearing ones behind.