Bird As Fish

Every year on Father's Day, I get sad. I imagine that I'm not the only one. It seems like a poor thing to remind all the people without fathers, or people whose fathers have died that they aren't has happy as the rest of the world. I wonder if more people hate Father's Day than actually love it. What about all the people who do have fathers, but whose fathers suck, or are gone all the time, or whose fathers hate them? Does anybody actually have a good father? I'd really like to meet one. I'm sorry, I know I'm jaded, and I know that fathers should just be ordinary men who love their kids, and I'm sure that there are plenty of good fathers out there, but I don't think that I know any. Except for Amelie's dad. He talks to his kids several times a week for hours. Even though he can't be with them. That seems like a good dad thing to do.

Sometimes you can make things sound more perfect than they actually are when you write about them, but really, I did have a perfect day! And I can't figure out whether writing about it would cheapen it, but I want to remember it! Maybe if I write out a list of the things that happened, but don't say anything else...
- We woke up late (this is good because we got lots of sleep!)
- We went to a garage sale and she lent me $0.25 to get a pretty blue beaded necklace. I tried on a gorilla mask, but the day wasn't right for it. She rejected the hightop red suede shoes outright.
- We took a bus to downtown to get a guided tour of some really cool science labs (she's a biochemist) and they had the coolest library ever!! It was massive!
- We found a spot leading out onto a river and we waded into it. We kissed. We saw some Rana catesbeiana tadpoles (they were huge) and a crayfish.
- She braided my hair even though it was windy.
- We found a park with a wicked amount of uncut grass. We took off our shoes and walked barefoot. We sat under a tree in the very centre. It was incredibly beautiful. And even more beautiful, because the grass was so high it was like the city wasn't even around us.
- She put flowers in my hair of the following varieties: Viccia cracca, Lotus corniculatus, Allaria petiolata. The V. cracca is a viney plant with purple flowers. It didn't wilt for the longest time, and looked incredibly beautiful. I have pictures as proof.
- We walked downtown and bought a large mango bubble tea.
- I skived off dinner.
- We got our bikes and had dinner with her folks.
- There was watermelon!! (which was great because the whole day had been really hot)
- I had a shower, and felt so refreshed.
- She practiced her violin, while I lay in bed and read a great book.
- We got some yogurt and apples to eat in bed.
- I kissed her.
- We went to sleep.

Everything about her is touch and sensation. Even in daylight, I want to touch her face and kiss her neck and clasp her hands in mine and not let her go. I want to touch her shoulder and memorize its curves to remember it when she's not with me. I touch her hair so often so that maybe every time she'll know how much I care about her.

It's too simple to say that the most perfect moment ever was when she lay down in the long grass and closed her eyes, and the sun poured through the tree above us, showering her in mottled light. I wasn't thinking anything except that everything in the universe fell into place at that moment. How much I've forgotten since I've moved here about simplicity, and beauty. And about how much I love the brush of long grass on my skin. And how liberating taking off my shoes and walking barefoot can be. And how it's okay not to be doing anything at the moment.

It seems too simple, really. These are such human feelings, falling in love. Too simple to not sound cliche. I'm trying to describe how personal and real this is to me, and how beautiful. It feels like everyone else has already done this, so the words sound cheap and used. But you have to believe that I mean every word. She is beautiful and alluring and brings out the best in me.