Bird As Fish

The other day I was reading Men are from Mars with Rick and we came across the last Chapter of the book. It asked if when you are having a good time, in a really loving relationship, if you would suddenly get really angry about something or really upset or really sad. It said that it was not really your partners fault, but rather memories coming up from the past. I thought that that seemed likely, and that that is always happening to me. It said that to solve the problem you should write a letter to work through your pain. My only problem is that when I write a letter, it does not help. It's like I bring up emotions then that can't be denied and I actually feel worse. The emotions then go swirling around inside of me, and I fall apart. I don't really understand why this is. I usually find that the only way that I can do anything about this is to "solve" whatever the problem was. The thing about that though is that if the problem occurred in the past, there is nothing that I can do about it. And if it happens in the present, I'm usually powerless to do anything about it.
For example, take this person that I live with. He makes me feel intensely nervous because he doesn't talk at all. In fact, most of the time he sits around and sulks about work and doesn't pay attention to anyone else around him. That really really annoys me. I wish that he would just talk to other people. I wish that he would just talk to me. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but I think it might be that I feel really insecure around him because I am living with him, and he could suddenly decide that he did not want me to live with him and chuck me out. And he won't talk to me. He insists on being consistently morose. Maybe I should be grateful, but I'm not and it really bothers me. And yet, I can't do anything about it. I can't tell him because even his own wife won't tell him. He gets angry really easily and I'm afraid that he will chuck me out. So you know what I do? I leave the house until they've gone to bed every night. Rick is sad because I'm never home. I'm sad because I'm tired of being out, but I dont' know what else to do. Both the husband and the wife make me really upset. The husband because he won't talk and the wife because she talks an awful lot. I mean, I like the fact that she talks, but she always makes me feel really guilty about things, like not following her advice, or not doing stupid things like making sure that my curtains fall straight. It really really annoys me. It makes me feel nervous because I never know when she is going to strike with something that I should have done, so I never feel at ease with either of them. Dammit, I want my life to be solved! I never know if these are my problems or theirs. My friend Amelia says its a little bit of both. But I wish that I could solve my end of the problem so that it wouldn't bother me any more...
Oh well, I am trying. I've got both of them to help me decorate the Christmas tree this year, and I've decided to throw a wee party. With hot apple cider with cinnamon and cloves and I'm going to get them each an ornament as a token of my love. See, I am trying to have a relationship with them. It's just hard...