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Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Okay, Okay. I'll Tell You
Alright.
I haven't written a personal post about Dale in the longest time (since Nov 26th actually). Now the reason for this is because I hadn't got him and our relationship all figured out in my mind so here goes:
(Drum roll please....)
We broke up.
Yeah, on the 8th. I realize that it is now the 21, many days later, but I still continued to see a lot of him, and wondered if maybe we might go out again. We decided to end it, for various reasons. I still really like him though. I still really like him, but he hurts me, and he hurts my feelings, so a lot of the time, I feel like I am going to cry. And he belittles me. And he is critical and mean. I feel so powerless around him. It is not good at any rate.
I think, and actually am pretty sure that deep down he really thinks little of himself, hence why he must belittle others. He goes from these huge swings of "I'm a great person, so much better than all the rest of you" to "I'm a terrible person. That's why you don't want to go out with me." He's really afraid.
He thinks he has to prove what a great person he is because he has a fancy, new, expensive truck, and because he has a great job, and he is only 23 and already is preparing for retirement, and he tries to flash all these fancy things in people's eyes to blind them, so they don't actually see him. The last time he drove me home, he was complaining that he thought girls only wanted him for his money. I blatantly said "Well then why don't you stop talking about it." But he didn't like that suggestion too much.
You know, I tried to stick it out, kinda to show him that I cared about him, that I wanted to do stuff with him, but he's just hard to get close to. All he wants to do is hurt me, and I don't deserve that. So I think I'll see little of him from now on. It's been a couple of day since I've seen him. I saw him on the 18th. It was his birthday, and I was sick with the flu, and we watched football together (he's a big fan of the sport). I fell asleep. Then he took me home, and I kind of felt like that was the end.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm perfect, or that I was perfect either, but that's just what I see, cleaned up, about him.
©2004 All Rights Reserved MJ Jackson
This article may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the permission of the author.
I haven't written a personal post about Dale in the longest time (since Nov 26th actually). Now the reason for this is because I hadn't got him and our relationship all figured out in my mind so here goes:
(Drum roll please....)
We broke up.
Yeah, on the 8th. I realize that it is now the 21, many days later, but I still continued to see a lot of him, and wondered if maybe we might go out again. We decided to end it, for various reasons. I still really like him though. I still really like him, but he hurts me, and he hurts my feelings, so a lot of the time, I feel like I am going to cry. And he belittles me. And he is critical and mean. I feel so powerless around him. It is not good at any rate.
I think, and actually am pretty sure that deep down he really thinks little of himself, hence why he must belittle others. He goes from these huge swings of "I'm a great person, so much better than all the rest of you" to "I'm a terrible person. That's why you don't want to go out with me." He's really afraid.
He thinks he has to prove what a great person he is because he has a fancy, new, expensive truck, and because he has a great job, and he is only 23 and already is preparing for retirement, and he tries to flash all these fancy things in people's eyes to blind them, so they don't actually see him. The last time he drove me home, he was complaining that he thought girls only wanted him for his money. I blatantly said "Well then why don't you stop talking about it." But he didn't like that suggestion too much.
You know, I tried to stick it out, kinda to show him that I cared about him, that I wanted to do stuff with him, but he's just hard to get close to. All he wants to do is hurt me, and I don't deserve that. So I think I'll see little of him from now on. It's been a couple of day since I've seen him. I saw him on the 18th. It was his birthday, and I was sick with the flu, and we watched football together (he's a big fan of the sport). I fell asleep. Then he took me home, and I kind of felt like that was the end.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm perfect, or that I was perfect either, but that's just what I see, cleaned up, about him.
©2004 All Rights Reserved MJ Jackson
This article may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the permission of the author.
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