Bird As Fish

So me and my friend Dale got to know each other a lot better over these past few days. In fact, very well. In fact, I was kind of shocked by the speed at which we progressed to each new level, until today when he picked me up at work and we went over to his apartment. He had up until now said that he didn't want to go past what was appropriate for morality, but his words didn't really match his actions. On several occasions, I had to stop him from doing what would be clashing with my sense of propriety. Today though, I had a really difficult day at work and when we went back to his place, we started kissing and stuff. Things got a little passionate, and then I had to pull back and tell him to stop. I thought he knew what the appropriate levels were then, but he kept on going and didn't stop when I told him to, until I actually had to stop him physically. This really disturbed me because how can I trust him if he doesn't respect me? In fact, I think this whole Dale thing is a dead-end, unless he gets his act together. He has absolutely no self-control, and absolutely no respect for me, although he claims he does. I told him I didn't want to kiss him any more that night, that I was upset with him, and yet, repeatedly, he still tried to kiss me. Maybe he was just trying to make things better between us, but it just made it worse. I talked to him and told him how upsetting it was. I told him about the dreams I have, the ones that are so vivid, where I am being raped again and again by men who are supposed to care about me, and now everytime I think about him, it reminds me of that. He asked me to see him again on Tuesday, and I said I would, but then thought better of it and called his house. I don't want to see him again for a long while.

© 2003 All rights reserved MJ Jackson
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