Bird As Fish

While we are on this topic, [I promise, the next blog will be about something different, I promise, I promise...] [the reason that I keep going on and on about him is because, there is so many things that I did not tell him, or get out, that now I have the forum to do so, I feel so liberated - so there, but I promise the next one will be about something else, okay? You'll listen to me for just one more blog?]

This is actually something I wrote in March, which I have been told is really chaotic, [and it is supposed to be] and not very well done [meh], but still I meant it, and since I have a total hit count of "5" I don't think it will matter too much if my public reads it.

[By the way Sian, thank you for leaving such a lovely comment - I really appreciate it and it's really nice to hear from a fellow writer. I'm told you have a blog - I will have to read it, if you'd let me know the address.]

So here it is:

I remember this one night when we were leaving Rotholme. It was a comfortable feeling, not wracked with anxiety about where we were going to go. I remember especially that it had had just rained and that beautiful feeling you get when the air is fresh and cool on your face. The yellow streetlight reflected off of the black ashphault near the back of the parking lot like the moon off of Grandpa Burleigh's lake at night.

There were some black kids there with us, helping us pack the car. I don't know who they were but one of them had a red jacket. They laughed and joked with us and we ran around and played before they helped us pack our stuff in. In the end, we all had to get in and they had to pack in the stuff around us. We never were light packers. I didn't mind. I just knew we were leaving. Oh beautiful bliss, so unburdened. Mom knew where we were going to. I was simply content.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The first time I've felt safe in years, like I had absolutely nothing to worry about and I could just let go. It wasn't the kind of letting go that was nothing, like when you go to sleep - kind of an icy feeling. It was more like holding a pink rose in your hands on a warm day when there is nothing better to do and you are content to do just that. He and I were watching TV, and I just fell asleep in his arms. I don't normally fall asleep - always, always on guard. I don't know what it was, I just fell asleep. I didn't have to do anything. Oh beautiful bliss, maybe I can recapture that childhood.

© 2003 All rights reserved MJ Jackson
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