Bird As Fish

You have no idea what a big step this blog is for me. Paranoia has followed me for so long, justifiable paranoia, not some medicable mental condition, but paranoia none the less. The year 2001, I was too afraid to write things down on paper, lest someone read it. By someone, I mean the big man himself, the one who had been following us for eight years, who had been in our house countless times. By that time, I had not seen him for a year, but still I was afraid. That year after large amounts of persuasion by my godparents, I wrote a letter about how depressed and upset I felt, how violated, like being raped. After I wrote it, I secreted it away, amidst a pile of blank paper in the bottom of a drawer under some junk flyers, so it would not be found. Looking back on it now, it seems so silly, so utterly stupid, but I was still afraid. I suppose seeing it as I do now is a good sign, a sign that I am moving on, and it feels so good, so grand, like I am beginning to breathe again.

© 2003 All rights reserved MJ Jackson
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